The guy liked you. Texted you. Made plans to see you. Talked for hours on the phone. Emailed you flowery messages, and then… POOF! He disappeared. Stopped texting. Stopped calling. Stopped emailing. Or, if he contacted you, made mealy-mouthed excuses as to why he couldn’t get together after all. What did you do to scare him off? Here’s the answer: Probably nothing. Sometimes people simply change their minds, and you may never know why. That does not mean you did anything wrong.

Unless you made the cardinal mistakes of texting your way through dinner or regaling him with details of your root canal, the problem probably does not lie with you. It lies with him. Listen, there are guys who get off on the chase. Once they get their answer (“She likes me! She really, really likes me!”), they move on. They enjoy the pursuit more than the relationship itself. For him, the chase is often the whole point. The excitement can matter more to him than the woman herself.

See, they were never really into you, anyway. They were into themselves. This type of guy seeks acceptance and validation from women. He wants to know he’s still “got it.” Once he gets the approval he craves, he moves on. Take heart, my friend. He’s done you a favor. You do not want or need a narcissist for a boyfriend – or, worse, a husband. A man who needs constant admiration is unlikely to make your happiness his priority. You deserve more than being someone’s source of validation.

(Just to be fair, there are women who thrive on massaging men’s interest for their own ego gratification. They exploit men at their own peril because, as Ann Landers used to say, “Time wounds all heels.”) You want and need a man who loves you and who makes your happiness his priority. You want a man who lifts you up and is grateful you love him back. So, stop wondering what you did to chase off what’s-his-name. You deserve someone who chooses you. Never settle for less.